This is a continuation of the series I’ve been writing about the Dark Night of the Soul/Phoenix Era. Read previous posts here, here, and here.
Adopting a more spiritual or non-physicalist worldview when you live in Western culture can feel like you are swimming against the tide. You might feel like new tensions and challenges arise in your life, and it can really suck.
The Western physicalist worldview (i.e. the philosophy/worldview that everything in the Universe is composed of only physical matter) positions itself as the most superior worldview, so the inherent assumption is that if you believe something else, you are inferior.
Some examples of non-physicalist beliefs include reincarnation, the existence of consciousness surviving death, communication with the dead, and that other living and non-living things have consciousness, like the Universe or plants. To me, spiritual means a non-physical dimension of the Universe that is imbued with meaning. Some people spontaneously adopt these beliefs after a wild psychedelic trip, a mystical experience, or some other type of emergent experience (e.g. kundalini, energetic, etc).
The scientific Western worldview tends to dismiss these beliefs as ridiculous and these events as anomalies, declaring them ‘not real,’ or ignoring them altogether. Believing in anything non-physical or unusual can earn you the honor of being called “crazy, delusional, unintelligent, non-scientific, or a magical thinker.” Because, you know, if we can’t measure it, it’s not real — even though there are many, many things we cannot yet measure like love, dark matter, etc.
Let’s say you move past the fear of being an outsider when you realize that people who subscribe to that kind of thinking are living in a mental prison that they’ve constructed for themselves. Instead, you invite curiosity and an open mind as companions on the “What if?” exploration. You open your mind, your heart, and your worldview. Maybe you’re dazzled at what you experience. Or maybe not. But once you’ve stepped outside the cave, you’ve changed. Regardless of whether you decide to return to the cave or frolic in the sun, you’re different now.
The first thing many people have to work through is actually ontological shock, but I’ve written about that before here and here and here. So, let’s assume you’ve worked through that and now you’re fully on board with adopting a belief system that doesn’t align with mainstream Western culture. The next thing that many grapple with is identity and social stigma — how you perceive yourself and how you think others perceive you. This comes up rather quickly in the journey when you’re scrolling through your phone trying to find someone to call because you want to share something interesting you’ve just learned, describe a meditation experience you had, or ask for emotional support. For many of us — if we’re lucky — that’s a handful of people. But, many people report keeping their experiences or new beliefs to themselves because they’re afraid the people in their life won’t understand and that they’ll end up feeling shamed or judged by them.1, 2, 3 What follows? Feelings of isolation and loneliness. (Some of this is just projection from ourselves and I’ll tackle that at the end).
It’s common to feel this way, like you’re suddenly inferior or don’t belong. Even though you can try to rationalize your way around these feelings, they are usually triggering wounds (e.g. insecurity, belonging, etc) from earlier in your life (like being bullied, etc), which means they can hurt immensely. This is why “healing” is required if you ever want to reach a state of feeling comfortable with your new beliefs. You can arm yourself with all the scientific evidence in the world to try to prove the worthiness of your new beliefs (like I did), but evidence doesn’t heal emotional wounds. (It’s worth noting that this could also be alleviated if we were all a little more empathetic and tolerant of diverse beliefs. I’ll write about this in an upcoming article.)
Some people seem to easily adopt spiritual beliefs — like choosing love over fear, trusting the Universe/God, detaching from outcomes, forgiving and letting go — and easily weave them into their life. I don’t know about you, but that wasn’t me. Especially because these spiritual concepts can be flabbergasting for Westerners.
When you’re feeling isolated, ungrounded, and afraid of what the future holds because of this massive personal transformation, and then you hear things like, “Trust the Universe that it will all work out,” or, “this is part of your soul’s evolution,” you might internally respond (like I did) with thinking, “Is this person fucking serious right now? Follow my bliss and everything will work out? Is my bliss going to pay my bills??” At this point, your life experience hasn’t lined up with the new beliefs you’re aiming to incorporate into your life. You don’t yet truly believe that’s how the world works.
And how could you? Especially in Western culture where the emphasis is on being rational, logical, data-driven, and in control. Surrendering to ‘what is,’ and letting go and detaching from ‘what should be’ is usually the last thing any Westerner wants to do. Instead, they want more control.
Initially, I didn’t believe there was any chance that anyone actually, genuinely, truly lived this way — like, completely trusting the Universe. It must be for show, I mused. There’s no way they go home, follow their bliss, and don’t worry about paying rent or their mortgage. But then I started meeting people who genuinely embodied this type of living. When something would fall away — like a contract they depend on as their main source of income — they would say, “This is great! I can’t wait to see what comes in next that will take its place that is more aligned with me.” (hi, Allison!) They weren’t faking it, either. They meant it. It was like meeting a unicorn in the wild! Personally, I’m not there yet, but it does seem like a nicer way to live.
Another obvious tension that arises is between Western culture’s outward focus on material achievements, possessions, and milestones and spirituality’s inner focus on values and personal development. A turn towards spirituality can mean you begin placing primary importance on your psychospiritual well-being and development, which means not pursuing that promotion, jumping into another relationship, or going for a higher-paying job. Some people in your life may not understand these decisions. But, when you’re undergoing such massive personal transformation, some/many things in your life can come to a standstill, and that’s a good thing. It’s like if you were in the middle of a weight loss journey, you wouldn’t go buy an entire new wardrobe. You’d wait until you’re done losing weight, otherwise the clothes won’t fit. It’s the same with internal transformation. It needs time to settle because your wants and desires will be different. But since Western culture is so (external) progress-focused, you can find yourself struggling to explain it to the people in your life.
This is part of the schism that begins ripping through your previous life, separating your two worlds. As you slowly tap into the non-physical more and more, the rupture grows larger because no amount of understanding can perfectly bring them back together. Suddenly, you’re spending a lot of your real-life physical time speaking to people on the side of the schism who do understand — about dreams that come true, knowing about things that will happen before they happen, seeing entities, and feeling energy. When you do go back to interact with the other side of the schism (your old life) and they ask, “What’s new?” you’re frantically scanning your recent memories for something (anything!) that would be appropriate to discuss.
Even though this can become a weird source of interpersonal conflict (see Integration: The Social Edition), trying to get someone to understand an experience that they haven’t experienced for themselves is like…well, like Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. You left the cave, saw the light, and came back. You desperately want to convey to the others who are chained in the cave that there’s an entire world out there — with light, and butterflies, and trees! But they haven’t seen it, don’t want to know, and really wish you’d stop talking about it. It can feel unbearably discouraging, so much so that you might even begin to wonder if leaving the cave (i.e. changing your belief system) was worth all this trouble. So, what can you do to get them to understand? Personally, I say don’t bother. Your life is your business and things will unfold and untangle eventually. You can’t unsee or unknow what you have experienced, and you can’t change anyone else, so…just go enjoy the light.
Having said that, though, I do want to point out that we all project a lot onto others and expect them to be as skeptical or close-minded as we are/were. I have certainly done this, but I’ve learned that people can surprise you. Even though statistics don’t heal emotional wounds, they can help us realize we aren’t alone, so I wanted to drop some stats about Americans and their spiritual beliefs to show that the majority of Americans hold at least one non-physicalist belief. These numbers show that although the mainstream narrative is that of skeptical scientism, the reality of people’s everyday lives has no obligation to line up with that narrative — and often doesn’t.
According to Pew Research, these are the percentages of Americans who hold the following beliefs:
- 89% believe in God or a higher power 4
- 83% believe people have a soul or spirit in addition to their physical body 5
- 83% believe things happen that can’t be explained by science or natural causes 5
- 72% say being connected with their “true self” is essential to being spiritual 5
- 72% believe that interaction between the living and the dead is possible 5
- 65% believe in spirits or unseen forces 6
- 44% believe the course of their life is predetermined (fate) 5
- 41% believe in psychics 7
- 33% believe in reincarnation 5
These numbers show that a majority of the American public doesn’t consider non-physicalist beliefs impossible. Despite this, Western culture is still kind of a bully toward these beliefs. It’s stigma that keeps us silent and forces us to seek camaraderie through hushed whispers.
For people in the West, one of the biggest challenges to adopting a spiritual or non-physicalist worldview is that the society-wide narrative counters your experience and new beliefs. It takes bravery to be your true self when your true self goes against mainstream Western culture. And yes, it especially stings when your self-transformation begins to take you off the course that Western culture says you should be on. Before your beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors fully snap into the ‘new you’ and are still fluctuating between your Western cultural conditioning and where you’re going, it can be utter (mental, emotional, spiritual) turmoil. You might even feel bitterness and resentment for the path (p.s. these feelings and all others are hints about your underlying beliefs!). When you’re trying out new spiritual principles in your life and they don’t seem to be working, remind yourself that you’re still fluctuating and that it’s called a spiritual practice for a reason.
As the emotional wounds heal, the internal chaos will begin to settle down. The emotional meltdowns lessen and the doubt dissipates. That’s when it’s like: oh man, it was totally worth it. The lonely, confusing, dark path was worth it.
So, remember that when you are authentic, it emboldens others to be authentic, too. Every time you share a story about something ‘impossible’ that you experienced, know that there’s someone who really needed to hear that story to feel less alone. That’s what we need. Let’s create a chain reaction of openness and understanding.
This blog was originally posted on Cosmos, Coffee, & Consciousness
