Some advice? I dont know what to call this thread. Love, Relationships, Being Hurt and Trying Not to Hurt Others Back?

Posted Oct. 15, 2010 by cameronjcw in Open

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commented on Feb. 3, 2011
by workinprogress



First of all I apologise for the title. I really didn't know what to call the thread at all. I'm quite confused at the moment because of how some members of my family are treating me tbh I am really unwell and am struggling a lot physically and also mentally mainly because of others actions or lack of actions towards me. I'm starting to think maybe I deserve to be treated like crap but I dunno my head is really messed up. I am coming to terms with my illness and trying my best to stay positive which I do seem to manage most days. I have started a charity site to try and help others with rare illnesses and also hate to see people within a community I am on having problems or just having a bad time themselves. Maybe in some egotistical way helping them helps myself and in some ways it helps me keep my mind off my own problems because I need the distraction. If I sat thinking about all the things thats going on in my life I would probably just give up. I don't want to feel suicidal but I do but its not something I would do i don't want to die but some days I just feel like I cant really take anymore and then I seem to get this uncontrollable cloud of darkness take over my mind. I recently told my daughter she had to leave because she was making me more ill and was leaving everything at her backside for me to do. Anytime I asked for help it was always met with the attitude of why cant you do it. I'm not just being lazy and expecting everyone to do things for me, in fact I rarely ask for any help. I don't want to lose my independance I'm only 34 and theres still so much I want to do in my life although since becoming ill my ability to be able to do the things I want have diminished and Ive had to find other things to do and other ways of doing it. It was my birthday the other day and my own mother didn't even so much as send me a message or even a phone call to ask how I am. I also feel that other people I know are judging me for asking my daughter to leave, even my mother said I should give her one more chance although she was on her last chance. I feel like people are pushing me over the edge and just don't seem to care at all. I don't even think anyone would miss me if I did just disappear. I just feel really hurt by my families actions towards me and I just really would rather not be around anyone right now because I cant really handle being hurt anymore. I don't know what to do or what to think right now. I don't hate my family for treating me like this I just cant really understand. Ive always felt my mother never wanted me and never wanted to have a bad relationship with my own daughter. Ive tried my hardest physically and mentally to help her and just couldn't do it anymore. Just feel so confused as to why I am even here and ever since I can remember its just all been negative stuff that keeps happening since I was very young long before I was in any position to be able to get away from it or do anything about it.

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    workinprogress Feb 03, 2011

    I agree with fallensoul in that we have control over how we respond to the issues in our life and that is the only control we have, so approaching everything and everyone from a place of love and forgiveness can help you to find peace. Remember you have no control over others only over yourself, it is NEVER too late to repair a relationship and find peace within.

  • gangstaajoe Nov 29, 2010

    Yea iIn a way I know what you are going thorugh I am 25 years odl and struggle with depression now and then and the suicidal thoughts but the one thing that kept me going was friends and not just any friends but the true close friends that are there no matter what ones. I also have an overly strong will to live because I beleive that my purpose in life has not been reached or done yet so until then i am going to find and acheive that.

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    Padma Oct 17, 2010


    I myself have been going thru lot of depression for physical/emotional reasons.
    There are couple of things which really helped me .
    First to accept myself in the present state.I feel the heavy and dense energy of depression
    ---just give my loving attention to it as if it's a child waiting for my attention .And surprisingly I find the deep peace which has been waiting for mealways been since aeons but I have been busy looking for answers outside of me.
    Many times my attention sways away from the present
    moment by judging/analyzing the past- blaming someone for my depression or trying to fix someone/something in the future so as to
    fix that depression.
    When my mind resists to let me feel my inner emotions , I sometimes tell to my mind what if this is my last moment on earth...then I just
    accept and feel what ever that arises inside me.T
    This practice I have been doing for all my negative emotions like anger,fear,sadness and it really helped me a lot.
    I realized Life is just this moment as opposed to what mind always portrays as culmination of past/future.(That's a story of me but not me)
    I still am going thru states of bliss and pain but I do recognize that it always depends on where I put my attention on.
    If my attention is on the inner peace/love which accepts me unconditionally then I am little tolerant to what's happening
    to my body/emotion or externally as I am not deriving a sense of self from form based things which change constantly.
    Where as if my attention is on my image (mental image I developed of myself or on my body or on my possessions or on my relations)to
    satisfy me I suffer as all those parameters change every moment and my mind's formulae for accepting those change every moment.

    Books like "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle , "Diamong in your pocket" by Gangaji , "Return to love" by Marriane Williamson helped in my
    inner healing.

    On external front I am still struggling to decide what I truly want to do ,meant to do.

  • Fallensoul Oct 15, 2010

    cameron, some vedic concepts of the self, reincarnation, karma and free may help you deal with the situations you are facing in your life.

    The basic vedic understanding is that we have an identity that is seperate from this temporary body and that our suffering in this world is due to our ignorance or misidentification with this temporary body and things related to this body. For example, if someone bumped into your car while you were driving, you may say "Oh I've been hit!", but actually you havent been harmed at all, but because you identify with the car as yours, in that sense you experience some happiness and distress. Just like the dress that you wear, after some time it becomes old and useless and you change your dress, simarly the body can be consider the dress of the self. The dress has its importance, but the real thing is the person wearing the dress. That identity is now covered and theres a process of coming to understand our true self through yoga or self realisation. If you cultivate that in your life now, you will be able to surpass the situations that you are faced with.

    The concept of karma is "As you sow, so shall you reap" which means that if we perform positive actions, we will attract positive reactions and vice versa. The concept of reincarnation means that karma is accumaltive over many life times. It may be that the negative reactions I experience in this life is coming from previous negative reactions created in a past life.

    Therefore the situation one faces in life is due to one's own deeds and no-else can be help responsible or blamed. For example if a person robs a bank, he will have to take the responsibility of being put in jail and suffer according to the law of the government. Simarily there are universal moral laws, that will dictate the amount of suffering and enjoyment one will experience in this life. So In this sense we have little control of the situation.

    But we DO have control over our response to our situation.

    And herein lies our limited free will. When faced with a situation we have the choice to respond in a positive or negative way and thereby create positive future situation. For example: A pair of twins, grew up in the ghetto and both had the same difficult upbringing, but one ended up doing drugs and ending up in jail, hopeless, while the other decided to do something positive and got an education and became successful.

    Ofcourse this is not an easy level of consciousness to attain, but it can be attained provided one by one who acquires further knowledge about why these laws are operating and what the purpose of our having to suffer these karmic reactions and reincarnate, and how to solve these problems. But that's another discussion.

  • Gwing1988 Oct 15, 2010

    Dear Cameron,

    There are many things I can say to try and make things make more sense to you, but I don't know you well enough to try and get in your head the right way. I know life can be all too unsupportive some times and it may seem like those around you are ignoring you or not believing you. This pep talk isn't going very well... The point i'm trying to get across is do what makes you happy. That is the most sound advice I have ever received in my life. Find something you enjoy and pursue it, then everything kind of falls into place. Now this sounds like simple advice but it actually rather complicated in how it works. I am not aware of what illness you have but your own mental state can effect greatly on the illness. Having a negative attitude will only make it worse, and in your case it would appear to me that you just need to take some time for yourself to breathe and maybe go for a walk or play some music that you enjoy. Once you have a positive vibe in your own self then situations around you will be influenced by it. Easier said than done I know but in the end it is most beneficial to your own health and well being if you do this. In regards to your family. Nobody's family is perfect, but if you show them that you care even through the simple actions that they don't show you it will form a better connection with them. Now as for your daughter I would assume she is in her late teens or younger 20's, I am in the same age range and I know I mess up a lot and don't always pull my end of the work. My best advice in regards to her is to take her back in with a hug. That will make both of you feel better and I know it probably wont be visually evident in her case but it will help her as well then take the time to discuss in a calm voice how you feel and the details of your situation. Your daughter, now with a better understanding, will most likely be more willing to help. Just know that you can not change the actions of the people around you if you do not change your own.

    P.s. I hope my words have helped you in some way, I know it is hard but there is not a single person out there that doesn't have it in them to be happy. You have already shown such willpower through your desire to live through these circumstances.

    A dear friend,
    Gordon E. Wing

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